Words

Lost Phones and S(F)ound Minds

Lost Phones and S(F)ound Minds

I’ve lost my mind this week. Not so much my mind, but other items of importance. Among them: my phone and debit card. The debit card was located, thanks to my favorite tellers at PNC Bank. My iPhone, in it’s Andy Warhol case and infinite knowledge of all things me, has not been found. It has since been replaced.

I’m afraid I’d be jumping to conclusions to say it was stolen, because in retracing my steps and my last moments with my iPhone, there’s a very large window of opportunity for nearly any fate. It could’ve been stolen. It could’ve been dropped on the ground. Stampeding wildebeests could’ve stomped it to pieces. Maybe, if I dropped it, some random individual picked it up. Is that considered stealing? Or does finders, keepers’ come into play? I’m not entirely sure how it works.

Maybe whoever found my iPhone saw it lying on the ground, all alone like, and felt compelled to give it a home.

When I was a child, I often felt sorry for inanimate objects. I would put stuffed animals together so they wouldn’t be lonesome when I left the room. I created a buddy system where smaller stuffed animals were paired with larger stuffed animals. Maybe a person with a similar affliction towards electronics found my iPhone and has given it a good home, amongst other gadgets. Or maybe someone swiped it. Regardless, I hope they appreciate the My Morning Jacket and Felice Brothers albums.

While I did temporarily loose my mind when I realized the phone was lost, and mourned the loss of my several hundred contacts and appointments for the next year, I’m in a thankful mood. I guess I’m feeling seasonal. I’m thankful I could replace my iPhone, with very little inconvenience. I’m thankful the ladies at PNC Bank save cards that are carelessly left at the drive-thru windows! I’m thankful for the most fundamental things in life: my entertaining family, my tiny, multi-color house, the company I keep, the friends I’ve made, the memories, and my fiancé. Although I’ve been in a nasty funk of misplacing things, I’m thankful to have really lost so little in comparison to what I’ve found.

A shout out goes to Kristi Hampton at EKU Manchester, for dispensing good future advice!

Jeff Senters gets a shout out, because he’s super busy all the time, but makes time to help me with news stories!

Tooter at Dispatch gets a shout out, because he’s such a hard worker and he deserves props.

A shout out goes to Joyce Bowling, for all her hard work towards educating children.

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Vera and Grecian Words

Vera and Grecian Words

Vera Wang, endless breadsticks, and having “Hey” mispronounced at me just for kicks. That’s all I have to say. But I must go on.

I put up my Christmas tree last weekend, and I’m very excited about it. I got caught up in the glitz and glam of commercial Christmas stuff. But I feel justified in my purchases of a Christmas tree because I didn’t have one, and this is the first Christmas I’ve actually been able to do such a thing. So I bought a white tree. I wasn’t allowed to have white trees growing up because my mom said they were tacky. And she’s absolutely right.

The busiest shopping season of the year is upon us. After Thanksgiving, Pre Christmas chaos. I saw this chaos first hand at the mall Saturday with my friend and dress-finder-extraordinaire, Christan Tremblay. From the month of November until after the first of the New Year, I try to avoid shopping malls at all cost. There are certain conditions that must exist for me to have the clarity of mind to shop.  Those conditions don’t exist in the time periods mentioned previously, and as reiterated in my “shopping” trip this weekend. I use the term “shopping” loosely, because I didn’t buy anything, but instead thought up a dozen synonyms for the word “suffocate”.

Trees and shopping aside, it’s important to remember the reason for the season. There’s a war waging between “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays”, for which I have no real opinion. I have been doing research on the war against “Xmas”, and was really shocked to find that using “Xmas” isn’t really an attempt to remove Christ from Christmas. The “-mas” portion of Christmas comes from an Old English word for “Mass” (with Latin origin). The “X” portion is from the Greek letter “Chi”, which means “Christ”.

Just some food for thought.

A shout out goes to my friend Christan Tremblay, for helping me find the end-all, be-all of dresses.

A shout out goes to Principal Mike Gregory because he’s a very friendly guy!

Veronica Hagen gets a shout out because she is a cool neighbor and she rocks a hair net.

The Women’s Club of Manchester gets a shout out for their outgoingness and good deeds towards the community!

Mike White gets a shout out, because he rocks a hard hat.

My lab partner, Israel Miller, gets a shout out, because he helps me make awesome volcanoes in Geology!

Jewell Woods gets a shout out because she’s so very helpful and nice to me.

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Juggling

Juggling

There’s frost on the ground, and I don’t even mind. It’s all about the company you keep. Not so much the hours, as mine are totally off. It seems like my life is scheduled in thirty-minute intervals. I’m a juggler. In the realm of circus work, I imagine that’s the least desirable position. I’m the performer betwixt showings of the bearded lady and the guy that sticks his head in the lion’s mouth, or the choreographed poodle dances, just one step above the cotton candy vendor. I’m stopping here, because I could write 20 pages paralleling my life to the circus.
A better topic: Veterans Day. This week we celebrate Veterans Day. We’ve compiled small bios on some Veterans here in Clay County for the paper this week. Unfortunately, we can’t write about all the great men and women here who have served for us. But there are many, and I’m thankful we have a holiday to celebrate those people. So often the meanings of holidays are lost, but Veterans Day is one of those holidays that serves its purpose. If we don’t take the time to thank our veterans any day out of 365, we most certainly should on this day. I think any businesses, schools, organizations, and individuals that do something this week to pay homage to our vets deserve a shout out, as well as the veterans themselves.
One veteran who is a really great person and relative of mine, Ted Garrison, gets a shout out this week.
A shout out goes to Jake Stevens, for coming through for me all last minute like.
David and Carol Cotton get shout outs this week, for being very sweet people.
Josh Wilson gets a shout out this week, for being an awesome host.
Carl and Ruby Hibbard get shouts out this week, because they are very nice people whom I’ve had the pleasure of knowing all my life.

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Four Years Too Late

Four Years Too Late

For the first time in a really long time, I’m seeing a clearer path, and I’m really happy/relieved about that.

My love-hate relationship with cold weather has resumed. He comes around every six months or so, and I always take him back. I’m kind of startled at the fact it’s already November. November is a decent month for me, usually. I always look forward to Thanksgiving. Namely, the over-eating and watching the parade in my pajamas at my Granny’s house part of Thanksgiving. I’d call it a tradition, but I think it’s just an indication of how little I get to be lazy. I relish the opportunity to watch cable TV for a couple of hours and eat, and not feel guilty – because millions of other Americans are doing the same thing. The difference is, I don’t let it spill over into the other 364 days of the year.

Last week I took a deep breath and traveled with my boyfriend to Rupp Arena to watch Jessica Lea Mayfield and the Avett Brothers. There were 4,300 of very clean looking hippies there – and by hippies, I mean the fake-vintage kind. Plus a dozen or so people from Clay County! JJ and Beth Howard (who it’s always awesome to run into), Leanne and John Lyle Smith, Brittany and Andrea Napier, Dylan Pickel (that’s how I spell it in reference to Dylan, get over it) Sizemore, Benjamin Jackson, Ethan Nolan, and some others. Good company saved us over.

In my unprofessional opinion, the show was pretty much a let down. A LexGo writer said the Grateful Dead would be proud. I was thinking more along the lines of Green Day. Not knocking Green Day – but you see the difference in these genres?

The first two times I saw Jessica Lea Mayfield was at Bonnarroo: three years ago in a tent with just about 30 other people and mud up to my calves. Then again this summer, with an audience of 200 or more people.

Amiss: she had no band Thursday night. And as much as I enjoy listening to people just sing and play an acoustic guitar, she really needed the accompaniment. But she gave it her all, and I respect that. The weirdo crowd around me didn’t, because they all talked, loudly, throughout her set, about their favorite mall kiosks and whatever else hipsters talk about.

The rest was my mistake. I failed to listen to their 2009 album, or else I would’ve noticed their sound had changed drastically from the handful of records I enjoyed. Too plugged in. Too much indie, not enough folk. After about an hour of hearing the same four chords in different arrangements, we moved to the back, danced for an hour, and left early. The first time I’ve ever left a show early. Music snob? Probably. But I think it’s important to hold your music to a higher standard, if only for your ear’s sake. The most disappointing realization you can make is that you’re about four years too late to see a band.

Thank God for dancing in the back of the crowd.

 

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Introvert and Albino Shark

Introvert and Albino Shark

The more I exist, the more I see myself morphing into an introvert. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Sometimes I talk a lot and in an animated fashion. My introvert/extrovert personality can be turned on and on off by my longitude and latitude. Also, my mood - which is determined largely on the first three hours of my day. There are a lot of variables. It’s strange and sad, but this is what I’ve mapped thus far.
I don’t know exactly how this happened. I’m not sure how I can be both, but it’s happened.
I guess I’m writing this more as an FYI to people who know me. If you notice that I’m awfully quiet, please don’t get offended. I probably really do want to talk to you, but I’m being turtle-like and can’t seem to find the words.
A lot of people have written scary stories in their columns this week, in lieu of Halloween. Unfortunately, I have no scary stories to tell. Nothing excitingly scary has ever happened to me, and in these situations, I usually tell aloud the plot line to The Shining, but I’m pretty sure if I did that here it would be considered copyright infringement.
Instead, I’ll tell look-at-what-weirdness-I-found-on-the-internet stories.
If you haven’t seen the one-eyed albino shark on the Internet, your Internet should be taken away from you because you clearly don’t know how to use it. I’m an enthusiast of most things mythical and teetering on bizarre. This is it, because it isn’t photoshopped, and is highly strange. You should google it now.
Speaking of mythicals. A woman in Michigan claims she’s seen Bigfoot. Not only has she seen him, she’s also fed him blueberry bagels.
Why all this nonsense about possibly real but likely fake nonsense? I’m spiraling.
If anyone has ever deserved a shout out for being a good guy, it’s Nick Metcalf, because he’s a genuinely awesome fellow.
A shout out goes to Dora Battin, for giving me “Of These Ye May Freely Eat” vegetarian cookbook, which I seriously appreciate and am ready to try out.
Steven Dickerson gets a shout out for bringing me peppermint for tea, and for having good taste in documentaries.
A shout out goes to Ethan Finley, because we have the best inside jokes ever told.
Randy Q. Craft gets a shout out this week, and I wish I could go into more detail, but I can’t, but Randy is awesome.

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e-Edition B-Section 9-18-14

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